My Nervous System Became My Guide

A reflection on body awareness

There were many things I had to face in order to undo the patterns that affected my nervous system.

For a long time, I didn’t realize how early I had learned to disconnect from myself. The numbing didn’t start with one thing. It started when I was young, when disconnecting felt like the only way my body knew how to protect me.

At the time, I didn’t understand it as survival. I only knew I was getting through life the best way I knew how. But what I understand now is that I was avoiding the pain I wasn’t ready to feel.

I had to learn how to stop running from what was living inside of me and begin supporting myself in a different way. That is when I started leaning into more holistic approaches, such as acupuncture, stillness, and listening to my body.

At my very first acupuncture session, I remember telling the doctor what I was feeling when he came to check on me. The sensations scared me so much that I almost left. But instead of rushing me or dismissing what I was feeling, he sat with me. The way he explained it helped me understand that my body was responding in a way I wasn’t used to.

That session continued to help relieve the body pain I had been carrying, pain I didn’t even realize I had been avoiding.

For so long, I had learned how to numb myself. So when sensations started coming back, they felt strange, intense, and scary. But what I came to realize was that what I was feeling in my body was normal. My body wasn’t betraying me. My nervous system was speaking to me.

It was teaching me how to listen. It was teaching me that I was safe to feel, safe to breathe, and safe to come back home to myself.

I used to rely on logic for everything. I focused on what made sense, what looked right, and what I thought I should do. But my body was telling a different story through tension, tightness, and feelings I could not always explain.

Healing taught me to pay attention to how my body responds. My nervous system can offer clues about what feels safe, what feels uncomfortable, and what may need more care and attention.

Now, I trust that guidance more than I used to. It has helped me understand myself in ways I did not expect.

Take what resonates and leave the rest.